♥ Twist & Shout

The Moment When I Say dear yai..
Terhasil Pada Sunday, March 25, 2007 @ 4:23 PM

yai,

i miss you.

i know its kinda weird now to say that. you wont hear it anyway. its been two years and four months. but the memories are still in my heart no matter what. i know that you're never been there for me (or any of us) but deep down inside, i know you never meant to do that. you're so occupied with our step-cousins that you forgot our existence. i think you know how much i hate you. dad and mom never taught me to hate you. in fact, they always remind me to respect n love you despite anything. and you knew that. the hatred came from myself. and no matter wat dad did, i still hate you. i dunno about the other three, but being me, i longed for your love. i wanted you to love me, to adore me, to be proud of me. but sadly, you never did. she told me what you did to us - before we're born. i was disappointed. but then you realized your mistakes and vowed that you'll never breath out a single word about it. and you kept your promise till the end.

yai,
a month before that incident happened, i wanna meet you. badly. but i never did. i'm sorry. theres so much hatred in me, but deep inside, i do love you. i do. and deep down, i'm sure you knew it too. i miss you. i miss your cooking. i'm proud to inherit your cooking skills and able to cook meals like you. but, sadly, you didnt get the chance to even taste it.

yai,
i admit that i actually cried on that day. though i put up a brave and tough act, i was still shocked upon hearing that awful news. but i think, that was the most fair thing to do to both of them.

yai,
i miss those days when i came to your place and you cooked us mee soto n barbequed those satays. by just sitting around you make me soo happy back then. as if your mine. i know that you adored me juz like you did to both of em. but you forgot to show it to me that you love me. its okay. i know you never mean to do that.

yai,
i dun think i ever said "i love you" to you.
i'm sorry.
and i'm sorry that you never did say those words to me to.
i love you despite wat happen.
i love you despite the fact that i hate you.
i guess this is the first time for both of us ryte?
i regretted that i didnt kissed you on that last day we met.
the day when you're going far away. for ever.

yai,
i miss you.

semuge Allah tempatkan roh yai di kalangan mereka yg soleh. amin.

Labels: my own thoughts.